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Title: The Wacky Adventures of Sexy Snape And Luscious Lucius
Disclaimer: I don’t own…No dammit! I won’t do it! (Flees the scene on random Moped and cackles evilly) No one can catch me, NO ONE! (Trails off as lawyers on unicycles catch up with her (yes, Mopeds are that slow!) and ram her off the scooter in a shock example of road rage) Ouch! (Feigns injury to attract sympathy. Doesn’t work) You are all uncompassionate bastards (Sulks) Fine, I don’t own Lucius Malfoy or Severus Snape…but I do own ‘Luscious Lucius’ and ‘Sexy Snape’ – the warped versions of aforementioned characters so ner! (Pulls tongues) I do however, own the ‘Stud Mobile’ so no bloody well stealing it! (Shakes fist menacingly)
Authors Note: I am aware that people have used the Superhero idea before, and somewhere, someone has probably used Snape and Lucius, but believe me when I say, that yours couldn’t possibly be remotely similar to mine in any way! Because I was born with a warped imagination…very warped! I don’t mean to toot my own horn but ‘Beep Beep!’ (Evil Smirk)
Chapter 1: Welcome to Johnny-ville</u>
Today we find our somewhat evil heroes deep in the Fortress of the Enemy, battling his minions and saving beautiful wenches…ahhhhhh, who am I kidding, they’re amusing themselves in Draco’s Bedroom
Snape: (Sitting on floor, playing with Barbie Dolls) Bwahahahahahahahaha naked Barbie! (Trickle of drool runs down chin)
Lucius: (Backs away slowly)
Snape: (In little girls voice) Look at my nakedness…boobies are great!
Lucius: Although I’m inclined to agree, please refrain from freaking the shit out of me
Snape: (Girlish laugh) You know you want to play too!
Lucius: No, I do not!
Snape: Yes you do
Lucius: Don’t
Snape: Do
Lucius: Don’t
Snape: Do
Lucius: Don’t
Snape: Do
Lucius: Don’t
Snape: Do
Lucius: (Gets angry and stamps on dolls)
Snape: (Cries)
Lucius: (Bitch slaps Snape for acting like a Pansy in the presence of such an evil, sexy bastard)
Snape: (Elbows Malfoy in the crotch)
Lucius: (Screams) You…asshole!
Snape: You’re the only asshole in this room!
Lucius: Go wash your hair!
Snape: Go DYE your hair (In singsong voice) I can see your black roots, I can see your black roots!
Lucius: I’ll kill you…you Goth wannabe! (Chases Severus around room waving fluffy pink bunny rabbit slipper)
Snape: (Pulls tongues)
Lucius: (Catches Snape. Pulls his pants down and spanks his bare ass with slipper)
Snape: (Bites Lucius’s thigh)
Lucius: (Slaps him in the groin and pushes him onto the floor) Now, I hope you’ve learnt your lesson (Runs fingers through hair) I happen to be a natural blonde!
Snape: (Rubs his ass cheeks) I’ll report you to the Ministry for this…It’s a form of abuse!
Suddenly a siren can be heard throughout the mansion and a symbol on the wall (shaped like a pair of giant y-fronts) begins to flash
Lucius: Quick Sexy Snape, to the err…
Snape: Yes?
Lucius: Random, secret, bondage, superhero, torture chamber, room thingy majiggy
Snape: You mean the Garage?
Lucius: (Growling) Yes…the god damn Garage Severus, I was merely trying to make things a tad more interesting
Snape: (Looks puzzled) For who exactly?
Lucius: Good point, let’s go!
Both men run to wardrobe and slide down Fireman’s poles into Garage
Snape: Ouch! That pole really rubs the genitals
Lucius: Mental Note, reduce groin friction on Superhero poles
Snape: (Rubs at crotch)
Lucius: (Switches on super, big, flash, expensive computer that he doesn’t know how to use. Picture of naked Minerva McGonagall appears on screen)
Minerva: Hello Lucius, you’re quite good at turning me on
Lucius: (Blushes) You should probably ignore that!
Snape: (Retching in the corner) I’m already desperately trying to forget I ever saw it
Lucius: (Trying to change the subject) Computer, tell me the problem
Computer: Please rephrase in question form
Lucius: (Gets in rage and kicks machine. Breaks toe. Screams and hobbles around) Piece of shit computer…20,000 Galleons for this lump of crap…
Computer: Please rephrase in question form
Lucius: I’LL GIVE YOU QUESTION FORM! (Charges at Computer with absurd over sized mallet)
Snape: Erm…Lucius…
Lucius: Luscious Lucius…if you don’t mind
Snape: Yeah, whatever, do you think you could find out what the problem is?
Computer: Of course, Professor Snape
Lucius: (Looks like he’s gonna burst a vein)
Snape: (See’s Lucius, looks nervous, backs away slowly)
Lucius: (Growling) Computer, what seems to be the problem?
Computer: We have located a child cheating in an end of term exam
Snape: Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
Lucius: Why, that is unacceptable! Quick Sexy Snape, to the Stud Mobile!
Snape: (Under breath) They gotta start paying me more for this shit!
And so, our brave…well, erm…weird heroes rush off to apprehend the criminal, let’s hope they reach him in time!
Stupid music starts that sounds suspiciously like the theme tune of Wonder Woman except it now says ‘Luscious Lucius’ and then ‘Sexy Snape’
Chapter 2, coming soon...
Disclaimer: I don’t own…No dammit! I won’t do it! (Flees the scene on random Moped and cackles evilly) No one can catch me, NO ONE! (Trails off as lawyers on unicycles catch up with her (yes, Mopeds are that slow!) and ram her off the scooter in a shock example of road rage) Ouch! (Feigns injury to attract sympathy. Doesn’t work) You are all uncompassionate bastards (Sulks) Fine, I don’t own Lucius Malfoy or Severus Snape…but I do own ‘Luscious Lucius’ and ‘Sexy Snape’ – the warped versions of aforementioned characters so ner! (Pulls tongues) I do however, own the ‘Stud Mobile’ so no bloody well stealing it! (Shakes fist menacingly)
Authors Note: I am aware that people have used the Superhero idea before, and somewhere, someone has probably used Snape and Lucius, but believe me when I say, that yours couldn’t possibly be remotely similar to mine in any way! Because I was born with a warped imagination…very warped! I don’t mean to toot my own horn but ‘Beep Beep!’ (Evil Smirk)
Chapter 1: Welcome to Johnny-ville</u>
Today we find our somewhat evil heroes deep in the Fortress of the Enemy, battling his minions and saving beautiful wenches…ahhhhhh, who am I kidding, they’re amusing themselves in Draco’s Bedroom
Snape: (Sitting on floor, playing with Barbie Dolls) Bwahahahahahahahaha naked Barbie! (Trickle of drool runs down chin)
Lucius: (Backs away slowly)
Snape: (In little girls voice) Look at my nakedness…boobies are great!
Lucius: Although I’m inclined to agree, please refrain from freaking the shit out of me
Snape: (Girlish laugh) You know you want to play too!
Lucius: No, I do not!
Snape: Yes you do
Lucius: Don’t
Snape: Do
Lucius: Don’t
Snape: Do
Lucius: Don’t
Snape: Do
Lucius: Don’t
Snape: Do
Lucius: (Gets angry and stamps on dolls)
Snape: (Cries)
Lucius: (Bitch slaps Snape for acting like a Pansy in the presence of such an evil, sexy bastard)
Snape: (Elbows Malfoy in the crotch)
Lucius: (Screams) You…asshole!
Snape: You’re the only asshole in this room!
Lucius: Go wash your hair!
Snape: Go DYE your hair (In singsong voice) I can see your black roots, I can see your black roots!
Lucius: I’ll kill you…you Goth wannabe! (Chases Severus around room waving fluffy pink bunny rabbit slipper)
Snape: (Pulls tongues)
Lucius: (Catches Snape. Pulls his pants down and spanks his bare ass with slipper)
Snape: (Bites Lucius’s thigh)
Lucius: (Slaps him in the groin and pushes him onto the floor) Now, I hope you’ve learnt your lesson (Runs fingers through hair) I happen to be a natural blonde!
Snape: (Rubs his ass cheeks) I’ll report you to the Ministry for this…It’s a form of abuse!
Suddenly a siren can be heard throughout the mansion and a symbol on the wall (shaped like a pair of giant y-fronts) begins to flash
Lucius: Quick Sexy Snape, to the err…
Snape: Yes?
Lucius: Random, secret, bondage, superhero, torture chamber, room thingy majiggy
Snape: You mean the Garage?
Lucius: (Growling) Yes…the god damn Garage Severus, I was merely trying to make things a tad more interesting
Snape: (Looks puzzled) For who exactly?
Lucius: Good point, let’s go!
Both men run to wardrobe and slide down Fireman’s poles into Garage
Snape: Ouch! That pole really rubs the genitals
Lucius: Mental Note, reduce groin friction on Superhero poles
Snape: (Rubs at crotch)
Lucius: (Switches on super, big, flash, expensive computer that he doesn’t know how to use. Picture of naked Minerva McGonagall appears on screen)
Minerva: Hello Lucius, you’re quite good at turning me on
Lucius: (Blushes) You should probably ignore that!
Snape: (Retching in the corner) I’m already desperately trying to forget I ever saw it
Lucius: (Trying to change the subject) Computer, tell me the problem
Computer: Please rephrase in question form
Lucius: (Gets in rage and kicks machine. Breaks toe. Screams and hobbles around) Piece of shit computer…20,000 Galleons for this lump of crap…
Computer: Please rephrase in question form
Lucius: I’LL GIVE YOU QUESTION FORM! (Charges at Computer with absurd over sized mallet)
Snape: Erm…Lucius…
Lucius: Luscious Lucius…if you don’t mind
Snape: Yeah, whatever, do you think you could find out what the problem is?
Computer: Of course, Professor Snape
Lucius: (Looks like he’s gonna burst a vein)
Snape: (See’s Lucius, looks nervous, backs away slowly)
Lucius: (Growling) Computer, what seems to be the problem?
Computer: We have located a child cheating in an end of term exam
Snape: Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
Lucius: Why, that is unacceptable! Quick Sexy Snape, to the Stud Mobile!
Snape: (Under breath) They gotta start paying me more for this shit!
And so, our brave…well, erm…weird heroes rush off to apprehend the criminal, let’s hope they reach him in time!
Stupid music starts that sounds suspiciously like the theme tune of Wonder Woman except it now says ‘Luscious Lucius’ and then ‘Sexy Snape’
Chapter 2, coming soon...
... Sexy Snape and Luscious Lucius
Seeing as how I cannot even fit the whole title in the given space
All of my fanfics are up on fanfiction.net but, I barely use it any more, so I figured I'd post it up here
They are rarely sane... and rarely have good storylines
They are usually blatent stupidity and unadulterated fuuuuun!
Yay!!
Seeing as how I cannot even fit the whole title in the given space
All of my fanfics are up on fanfiction.net but, I barely use it any more, so I figured I'd post it up here
They are rarely sane... and rarely have good storylines
They are usually blatent stupidity and unadulterated fuuuuun!
Yay!!
© 2005 - 2024 narcotizedfear
Comments7
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OMG that was funny i cant wait for the rest